There Are No Second Base Prospects

By Jeff Sullivan - Editor

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Jan 25, 2012 - The 2011 season was a pretty good one for rookies at second base. In Seattle, Dustin Ackley established himself as a critical piece of the present and future. In Washington, Danny Espinosa slugged 21 home runs while playing pretty good defense. In Oakland, Jemile Weeks batted .303. In Cleveland, Jason Kipnis slugged .507. And on and on. A wave of new second-base talent cannonballed into the major league pool.

Unfortunately, the graduation of all those second basemen into the majors left the minors entirely bare. MLB.com prospect guy Jonathan Mayo recently ranked his top ten second-base prospects. You can read his list and write-up here. And reading over his list, it's abundantly clear that there are no second-base prospects. There were second-base prospects, but now there are none. Allow me to explain by discussing individual names.

Cory Spangenberg
Spangenberg is rated No. 1. Ahead of all other second-base prospects, according to Mayo, there is Cory Spangenberg. That's great news for Cory Spangenberg. That's bad news for the pool of alleged second-base prospects.

Say it in your head. Cory Spangenberg. Say it again. Roll it around. Caress it. Dribble it. I am of the mind that there are good baseball names, and there are bad baseball names. Players with good baseball names become good baseball players. Players with bad baseball names become bad baseball players. Johan Santana is a good baseball name. Derek Jeter is a good baseball name. Cole Hamels is a good baseball name.

Cory Spangenberg is a bad baseball name. At the very least, Cory Spangenberg is a bad baseball name for a position player. I could see a Cory Spangenberg hanging around for a few years as a lefty specialist in the bullpen. But a second baseman? No dice. With rare exception, "-berg"s just don't cut it, and adding the "Spangen-" only makes you want to lift him by the lederhosen.

Cory Spangenberg. No. 1 Second Base Prospect.

Jonathan Schoop
Another dead giveaway that there are no second-base prospects is that, for the No. 2 position on his list, Mayo made somebody up. He made up a player. Jonathan Schoop does not exist.

Mayo didn't even try to hide it. It's clear as day that Jonathan Schoop isn't real. Who on Earth has a name like Schoop? I remember when I was a kid I heard that song Hang On Sloopy by The McCoys and to this day I refuse to believe there's anybody out there named Sloopy. I refuse to believe there's anybody out there named Sloopy, and I refuse to believe there's anybody out there named Schoop. It's ridiculous. It's like claiming that someone could have the name Poo Holes. I mean, you're not even trying.

Jonathan Schoop. Imaginary player. No. 2 Second Base Prospect.

Kolten Wong
The best explanation I have for this is that Mayo got frustrated trying to create a list out of nothing so he sat down to play a little Madden. He was in franchise mode and he wound up in the draft, where the game engine creates a nearly infinite pool of players by slamming together first names and last names with no regard to racial considerations in a virtual display of unachievable harmony. Mayo selected a left tackle named Kolten Wong in the fifth round, and he liked the name Kolten Wong, so as he made Kolten Wong his team's starting left tackle, he also put Kolten Wong on his list of second-base prospects.

Kolten Wong. Computer-generated left tackle. No. 3 Second Base Prospect.

Delino DeShields
The reason the name Delino DeShields sounds familiar is because Delino DeShields was a major league veteran of 13 seasons, having called it quits after 2002. Among DeShields' claims to fame are that he stole 463 bases, and that in 1993 he was traded for Pedro Martinez. That trade obviously looks a lot worse now than it did then, when DeShields was a 24-year-old impact middle infielder. Anyway, DeShields isn't a very good second-base prospect because he is 43 and retired.

Delino DeShields. Retired 13-year major league veteran. No. 6 Second Base Prospect.

Scooter Gennett
Mayo was having more trouble filling out his list, and he went to his son's Little League game, and decided to include the second baseman on his son's Little League team. Scooter Gennett is the youngest son of the team's head coach and he spent the entire game digging holes in the dirt with his shoe and re-filling them.

Scooter Gennett. Six-year-old. No. 8 Second Base Prospect.

Joe Panik

Mayo: Oh crap, deadline!
Mayo: I need a name, fast!
Mayo: Ahhhhh I'm panicking!

Joe Panik. Expression of anxiety. No. 10 Second Base Prospect.

There are, as you might notice, some other names on the list. There's Oscar Tejada. There's Cesar Hernandez. There's Charlie Culberson. And there's Reese Havens. I don't know anything about these names, or the people to whom they might belong. But on a list of second-base prospects, they rank below Cory Spangenberg, and among an imaginary player, a computer-generated left tackle, a retired 13-year major league veteran, a six-year-old, and a fleeting expression of anxiety. How good could they possibly be?

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